Oh Christmas dinner, oh winged beast,
Why must you be an appalling feast?
Your gravy chunks like small intestines,
Devouring you my last intention
Oh honey ham, oh deviled eggs,
You are the devil, you laugh as I beg!
Please let me go, let me do as I please,
For nothing is worse than moldy cheese!
Oh pumpkin pudding, oh apple pie,
Your cherries wither like severed eyes!
Chocolate cakes reek of putrid smells—
Lest it isn’t chocolate, but something else…
“Mind your manners, eat your food!”
Says your aunt, her knife at you
After the meal, I was several pounds thinner;
Even Hell shivers at the hearse’s dinner!